Very Happy Feet infact. Memphis, a happy little penguin also has reproductive organs and wouldn’t you know it, it just so happend to be mating season up down there in Antarctica. Shortly after he acquires an egg through some sort of sex like process. Oh no he dropped the egg! OH GOSH. Luckily the baby inside survived being as it was born and all, but was it a perfect baby? NO. You see poor baby “Mumble” got some sort of foot retardation and the second he popped out of his egg started dancing instead of marching in line with the other communists. Mumble dances away and then finds his mom Norma Jean and she’s so happy to see him she throws up in his mouth. None of the Penguins like Mumble and his rebellious tap dancing ways, they’re all like “yo conform hombre” or “what you doing son” and the elders are all like he’s an abomination to our superior white race. Poor him boo hoo. Then birds try to eat him and he falls in a hole.

Birds are now eating penguins might I add beca use all the fish were took by aliens. Then fast forward to penguin school graduation day where Mumble gets beaten up by a bird trying to give a fish to his penguin high school romance Gloria who now hates him less cause he gave her food and shes a slut. Fast forward again to mating season. Mumble is all alone with nothing to mate with but his flipper. Then a seal attacks him. Jesus, you know, how unlucky could you be. Mumble, while running from the seal that’s trying to eat him, meets a bunch of younger penguins who are getting more action then he is but like him cause he dances. They become his posse. Fast forward more to Mumble trying to woo Gloria by having a Spanish penguin sing while he mimes the words. They break into dance, again, and again. But hark! The elders appear and are very sad cause aliens keep eating their food and the only way to find out why is to go to the penguin Lovelace so Mumble goes cause he’s a hero. Lovelace is a fat penguin who got attacked by the thing that holds six packs together and can’t get it off. For some reason this thing around his neck is choking him. No good. Then they all embark on an adventure. Oh shit while off adventuring giant boats come, boats full of aliens, and Mumble goes off to be more of a hero by following them. Fast forward more to Mumble lying on a beach half dead where he’s then found and put into a penguin concentration camp. He spends 3 days yelling but no one can hear him cause he speaks bird :( He then goes insane and starts dancing, this attracts loads of people cause everyone loves dancing penguins. Then they feel bad for hurting animals and global warning so they free him. His dad sits and mopes over him and Gloria never had babies so it’s like nothing happened while he was gone. Phew. Mumble got tagged by the humans though and they find him again with their magic helicopters. Then the humans and penguins all start dancing together. Just like real life.

8/10

“It… it just ain’t penguin, okay?”
People have to come together and stop haplowing all the fish alright.

Saw 3, much like the other two movies, confused me what with my weak comprehension skills. It begins where the second movie left off. In fact the first movie left off there to. It’s the room where the first 2 guys and the cop were left to die. Amanda, the pot filled sociopathic serial killer henchwoman of Jigsaw, went back in the room after she had left the cop to die and finished the job. Terrible terrible. The bull dyke detective from the other movies gets killed when Amanda builds a machine to tear her rib cage out. Now that that’s out of the way heres where the movie starts going down, falling freely from a cliff with 9.8 m/s acceleration. [Neglect air resistance] Solve for time! Anywho Jigsaw has cancer. This was established many times over and over. He’s laying in a bed dying slowly. To prolong his life he hatched an ingenious scheme to kidnap a doctor who he was apparently stalking. He has Amanda strap a bomb to her neck and if Jigsaws pulse falls flat, BOOM. Thus she must keep him alive to save herself. Follow? In the room next to hers there’s a man going through a Jigsaw test to rid him of his vengeance towards the man who killed his son.

So this man goes through a serious of what should be traumatizing tests but of course they don’t faze him because hes just that good of an actor, as is every actor in this movie thrown into near death situations. That was sarcasm so ya know. As the man goes though his test, the doctor operates on Jigsaw’s skull with power tools and alcohol. Throughout the movie Amanda has random flash backs which are completely irrelevant and boring and I thought I should mention that. I have no reasoning behind why I did. The man comes face to face his son’s killer, who is of course black. The killer is strapped to a machine that’ll pretzel him unless the dude who’s son he killed finds a key and lets him out. Well this guy’s a dick and doesn’t do it in time. He gets a gun and leaves the room of torment and wacky and goes to pursue Jigsaw. Now listen cause here comes da drama. Oh snap. Amanda whips out her gun and shoots the docotor, wait wait, the man with the gun who passed the tests walks into the room with his gun and shoots Amanda, wait wait, THE DOCTOR AND THE GUY WHO WENT THROUGH THOSE TESTS ARE MARRIED!!! GASP!!! Amanda dies, irrelevantly, and the doctor got shot in the neck so can’t tell her husband that if he kills Jigsaw her head blows up. Wouldn’t you know it he kills Jigsaw. His wifes head explodes. Terrible terrible. BUT ALAS. As Jigsaw died he played a message on a tape recorder saying the man, who now lost his son and wife and was directly responsible for the murders of 5 people, had to play a final puzzle, for his daughter, the only person he had left, was in a room with little air. Then the credits rolled. There obviously won’t be a fourth movie. That was sarcasm so ya know.

9/10 ( It was quite gory so go see it )

“He killed my son and you only gave him 6 months in prison.” “Sorry.”
I want to haplow a game.

The new Cwings.Org is here.

Fresh 2 death.

The man can’t keep me down.