The New Cwings.Org

The X-Files: I Want to Believe - Trailer / July 12 Saturday

In grand “X-Files” manner, the film’s storyline is being kept under wraps, known only to top studio brass and the film’s principals. This much can be revealed: The supernatural thriller is a stand-alone story in the tradition of some of the show’s most acclaimed and beloved episodes, and takes the always-complicated relationship between Fox Mulder (Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Anderson) in unexpected directions. Mulder continues his unshakable quest for the truth, and Scully, the passionate, ferociously intelligent physician, remains inextricably tied to Mulder’s pursuits. (via movieweb)

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thexfilesiwanttobelieve/

You Don't Mess With The Zohan / June 14 Saturday

Essentially they just garbled Borat and Zoolander together and threw in some brown people. Adam Sandler plays the role of an Israeli counter terrorist commando who fakes his death and flees to America to live out his dream of giving flabby Jewish grandmothers 1980 hairstyles. Several Jew jokes later he finds work at a Palestinian hair salon and falls in love with the owner. Oh the irony, the hilariously unexpected irony. Sandler does some flips and there are a few hummus jokes here and there but for the most part nothing happens for the entire middle chunk of the movie. Rob Schneider makes his very first cameo appearance in an Adam Sandler movie ever and plays a Palestinian cab driver seeking revenge on Zohan for stealing his goat years ago in Israel. Schneider enlists the help of Zohan’s old terrorist rival, The Phantom, to thwart Zohan at a hacky sack match and destroy his hair salon.

For no reason whatsoever Mariah Carey shows up, plugs her new album, spends about 3 minutes on screen doing nothing, then is forgotten. The Phantom turns out to be the brother of the moderately attractive Palestinian owner of Zohan’s hair salon and the Israeli and Palestinian Americans are able to reconcile their differences and focus their attention on beating up Dave Matthews and his band of rednecks. Zohan and The Phantom’s sister get married and the thriving Middle Eastern community the Israeli and Palestinian Americans built together gets turned into a mega-mall.

6/10

“Middle Eastern? No no no. I’m half Australian, half Mt. Everest.”

85% Kung Fu Panda

“Kung Fu Panda” features Jack Black as Po the Panda, a lowly waiter in a noodle restaurant, who is a kung fu fanatic but whose shape doesn’t exactly lend itself to kung fu fighting. In fact, Po’s defining characteristic appears to be that he is the laziest of all the animals in ancient China. … “Kung Fu Panda” features Jack Black as Po the Panda, a lowly waiter in a noodle restaurant, who is a kung fu fanatic but whose shape doesn’t exactly lend itself to kung fu fighting. In fact, Po’s defining characteristic appears to be that he is the laziest of all the animals in ancient China. That’s a problem because powerful enemies are at the gates, and all hopes have been pinned on a prophesy naming Po as the “Chosen One” to save the day.